when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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