Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
