fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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