I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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