He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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