I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Alive.
So much puke
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
