New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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