I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
