I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This house was built for laser tag.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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