But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
