he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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