While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
