Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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