You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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