a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
