i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
