We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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