Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
