you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
