My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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