the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
