If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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