he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
