kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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