i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
