Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize