If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
