On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
