Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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