accomplished twins. life is a go
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
