but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
