while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
