But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
