i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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