Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
