dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we made out on top of his cat.
what day is it and did you see me today?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
