Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
