It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
