I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
