Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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