Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
