the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize