I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
