OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
