how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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