I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
