eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
