Where is the hickey?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
