I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Be still, my beating vagina.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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