dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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