My hand turned me down
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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