Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
