Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
