just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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