I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
