if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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