if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize