9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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