you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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