I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
