You can't motorboat a personality
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
