help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
