I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
