I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
