he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I would ride that face into the sunset
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
