bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
