I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
