Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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