he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
