Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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