did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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