Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
